nemobearoh

Don't Cry, Don't Cry.

" DON'T CRY

Clap hands daddy comes
With a pocket full of plums
Don't Cry
Most days I'm OK
Come steal my heart

How I wish everything was simple
How I wish everything didn't end in lies
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
How I wish I could be more like me
When I didn't have to worry about myself
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

Clap hands, daddy comes
With a pocket full of plums
Don't Cry
Flashback, twisted up
I'm so close to giving up
Don't Cry

Right now I am complicated
Right now I am giving this heart away
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
Right now I'm the walking wounded
Mind set on getting out alive
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

Clap hands, daddy comes
With a pocket full of plums
Don't Cry
Flashback, twisted up
I'm so close to giving up
Don't Cry

I should just let go
I should just let go

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

Clap hands, daddy comes
With a pocket full of plums
Don't Cry
Flashback, twisted up
I'm so close to giving up
Don't Cry "

I keep listening to that song over and over, because it's what's on my mind most of the time. I thought I'd never be this consumed in sorrow like I was in middle school. Through my parents divorce and other things I hate to remember. I suppose my wound never healed, always been there (like a scar),  and keeps getting re-opened when I least expect it. At the times I think things may turn out the best or at least be all right.  I know people have it worst than me, but it's still hard. I'm only human. I know we all have our problems, but I guess I just can't handle them well. Or maybe I just bottle them up, so when things happen. Maybe even mediocre things, it hurts me twice as hard. By now you're probably wondering what is so tragic in my life? Well, I have no idea where to start, so everything will probably be random and not in order. Mostly since I'm over the top upset while writing this. I feel like I have no connection with my father and that once again a lover means more to him than me. In the past when I "interfered" with my Dad's past relationship with his girlfriend Jeanette she decided to call and threaten not only me, but my Mom. And of course, my Dad takes her side while I'm pouring my heart out to him crying. I know this shouldn't bother me now, but it seem so re-occurring. I love my Dad, but I just don't know how long I can keep trying to get a close relationship with him. I feel like nothing will really impress him, just like in the lyrics, he makes me feel like I do nothing at all. I even got employee of the month and a 100% on the secret shopper. He congratulated me and everything, but it's like in the next few days I know it will be no different. Just Leigh-Ann, not my brother. The things that irritates me the most is my brother got everything handed onto a silver platter for him. He didn't graduate high school, but instead he got a great through my Dad. I swear he's like the perfect child compared to me. Now he's in CA working for my Aunt Michelle, which I wanted to. And me? I'm working at a Deli and I barely can stand my job some days. Cuts, bruises, burns are a daily gift of my current occupation.  It probably wouldn't bother me as much if I wasn't so down all the time and felt like I had something more to look forward to. Whether at home or w.e. Right now I have just Jovan who I can talk to in rl, but I hate crying out to people in rl. That's why I resort to online friends, which doesn't always help. I think I just need to get out of here, just forget everything. Maybe even just do what I least what to do and join the Air Force. I could eventually go to the schools I want after I've served four years. I don't know. I'm just thinking that maybe if I don't get out of here soon I might do something stupid.  As for what happened today it started out happy and ended badly. Which I wish was vice versa. Just like how you want to hear the bad news before the good news. Me and Mom went out, which is great, since I miss her immensely. It's hard not living with her anymore, she's like a Mom and a best friend to me. Anyways, back on topic. Me and my Mom had Subway, I ate lots of delicious cookies that made me feel sick, and afterwards we went to see The Duchess. Great movie that made me cry multiple times and it's now my favorite love story. Romeo and Juliet has nothing on this love story. Anyways...after that we went to Wallmart, since I had to pick up dishwashing soap and socks. My dogs ate all my socks pretty much. I got chicken wings too. Yum. Chicken. Anyways..I'm at the cash register and my Mom tells me she just got a call from Genevieve who is freaking out over dog poop all over the carpet. Which I forgot to mention, my puppy Minnie has been sick with diarhea all last night and today apparantly.. Last night I wokeup five times to take her out. I also found out I missed Clark online, which is someone I worry about like crazy. Don't know when I'll ever talk to him next.  Anyways,  I gave her imodium AD this morning,  which obviously didn't help. But, this morning I though it would, because it usually does. Which probably means Minnie is sick or some sort. I haven't even bought my dogs heartwarm or flea and tick in the past two months. Which is bad and might be one reason why she is sick.. I still need to save up for that. Anyways, after my Mom told me about the message I turned back on my phone and saw I got a message from Genevieve too. Which I wish I would of saved, so I could tell you her exact words. But to sum it up she was like "There is do shit all over the house, it wreaks, so not cool. Come home right away and buy some heavy duty carpet cleaner." It was longer and irritating and if you knew Genenvieve like I do and my friend Sandra does you'd dislike it too. Basicually I got home in a rush and Genevieve wasn't there. I let myself in and went to look around for this massive amount of shit she was complaing about. Which was rather non existant to my eyes. All I saw was a bunch of shit in Minnie's kennel, which was not on the carpet. Except for two little tiny foot prints of poop print marks I'm guessing. So...I was left a absurd message by her to get carpet cleaner, which I did not get due to lack of money, for two little poop marks? That easily came off with a wet soapy rag and bleach. It took me merely seconds to clean. As for the kennel tray full of poop it was put outside and rinsed. Wow. This journal entry got kind of gross, hope anyone who reads  this isn't squeamish. Anyways, Genevieve comes home a few hours later after all is cleaned. I ask her nicely if there was more poop that I didn't notice, since she did say on the message it was massive amounts of poop on the carpet. She's saying how it was all over and flowing out of the kennel. I look at it and see no poop around the kennel nor anymore poop than the two barely visible marks I all ready cleaned. She also tells me how I should of stayed home to take care of Minnie. Well, I promised to hangout with my Mom and I took care of Minnie as much as I could before I left. Also, if her cats were sick, I'd be taking care of them. Just how I'm asked to cleanup after them if they puke, shit, or piss somewhere. At least they don't make me clean the kitty litter yet. Like I would. Anyways, she also says how she didn't sign up for this and how she can't deal living in such a messy place. SO basicually it's like saying ever since me and my dogs came to live with her life has been messy. Fucking clean freak cunt. *Cough* But she's like yeah it's not your fault and of course in my head I'm like fuck right it's not my fault. If the dog is sick it can't be helped till I have the money to take Minnie to the vet. Not making enough money sucks. Anyways..she's saying how I guess my Dad is mad at her, because I suppose she made it sound like she doesn't want me to be living in the house anymore. Nor my dogs. Or maybe it wasn't even the part with me that upset him. Probably the risk of him losing her over this bothers him. So she's saying  how she doesn't deserve this or he shouldn't be mad at her. I'm kind of glad he is, but I'm sure he's going to snap back at me eventually on this. These situations always end up as my fault eventually. Anyways, I'm more upset and can't stand that these things happen and how Genevieve overreacts. This was probably one of the worst times. There is so much more I could write here and it doesn't even cover half of my problems, but...I'm tired, so the end to this sob story. For now. Wow, I sound so emo. Anyways, w.e. Thanks for reading and sorry for the emo-ness.

Birthday Wishlist

New Moon (Hard cover) - Bought <3

Eclipse (Hard cover)

Dante's Inferno (Hard Cover)

2 Ram sticks compatible to my PC

External Hard drive

XBOX 360

The Lord of the Rings Online™: Shadows of Angmar™ Special Edition

and money, of course~:3

Hello to all who stumble upon my numerous journal entries and prepare to be amused.

Well, well. My first live journal entry for this account and all I can think of is random little things to talk about. Such as, the movie Juno that I saw the other day, I recommend to those haven't seen it to go see it. If you're wondering what it's about than go watch a trailer about it, since I don't have the skill to do so without spoiling the movie for you. Anyways, back on to the subject of Juno, it was hilarious, -educational-, and stars the lovely Ellen Page. Just for fun I'd say this movie makes me want to pop out numerous babies and move my home furniture in front of my neighbors homes.

Another subject I'd like to bring up is vagina monologues. You may be asking yourself "Is that talking vagina's?" and my reply will be, of course. It's a group of woman who put on a show and let their vagina's speak out. To watch one of these marvelous monologues just go to youtube and search it. One of the first videos you'll see pop up is "My Angry Vagina" and that is by far my favorite, so make sure to check it out.

Anyways...

I'm to lazy to continue on, but don't worry I'll post more ridiculous things in my next entry. Take care and peace out~!<3